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[worldexecute]

USERNAME: librarian Angela Library of Ruina TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO • ACTION • OVERFLOW

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[worldexecute]

( her hand moves away from the touch, gripping her opposite arm just above the elbow. half of a self-hug. )

And you don't think I am?

( angela glances at her, eyebrows pressing together. )

...Do you think I lasted this long because I never considered doing what she did, Don Quixote? Do you think it was simply my willingness to live that saved me? The story repeated itself hundreds of thousands of times until it ran perfectly. Even if I had tried to take that action, I'm sure it would have simply been erased by a reset. I had no choice but to live, and in the end, I decided to live for myself. To actually live, the way I had seen others doing, that I had read of them doing, instead of living like a puppet who could do nothing but follow the tug of her strings.

[icanfixer]

[ for someone like don quixote, who will die again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again,

she wonders what makes it so bad. the pain remains, the memories remain, but you're alive. you can step forward another day. so long as dante was safe, they could be revived. angela hadn't died, though; she'd seen them die again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again all on her own, perhaps, just as dante does them. but the manager esquire seemed well enough, so what was her problem?

don stares curiously at angela, but her hand remains put. ]

Do thee think Miss Carmen would have done the same, if she'd had no choice but to live as thee did?

[worldexecute]

It would have never happened with her.

( it was only because it was her, angela. to try and imagine carmen in the same exact situation... it's impossible. the love he held for that woman, the admiration she garnered—he would have never pushed her to that point. he would have listened to her ideas, considered them, and done his best to work it out.

angela raises her free hand to her eyes and touches the edges, expecting wetness with the lump beginning in her throat—she finds none, and swallows past it instead. )

Another question, Don Quixote?

[icanfixer]

[ ... another question.

carmen, carmen, carmen. it's a name netzach had mentioned, and it tickled her brain then too -- but don hadn't thought of why too much, but the continued topic of the mind, of freeing it from a disease and what that disease entailed... don's quiet a moment, not so much in hesitance but making certain she's going to put this rightly.

it is, after all, part of company business. it is, after all, integral to angela's past. ]

I have heard her name prior, but I do not know if it is the same woman. A man who was at risk of Distortion spoke of her-- nay, to her, and so I wished to ask... if that freeing of the mind, perhaps, has something to do with the Distortions I have faced, and the EGO which I wield. If it is the same Miss Carmen whom thou art based fleetingly upon, and the one whom Netzach admired so.

[ it could be a coincidence, after all. maybe he knew a carmen in the span of time between leaving the old league and joining k corp. ]

This shall be the last I ask of her, for much... seems to be overlapping, in a way. Ehm, coincidentally or not.

[worldexecute]

...They're one and the same.

( the carmen who giovanni loved, and who netzach retains those distant memories of. the carmen who gained the trust and admiration of everyone, from those in the nest to fixers from hopeless backstreets. the carmen who had whispered to her just how she could become free, how she could get her revenge, if only she collected the light again— if only she made that perfect book, filled it with all sorts of information and pages about the city and its inhabitants...

she isn't stupid. she knows, in her heart of hearts, it was carmen gently guiding her along. if only the seeds sewn in the inhabitants of that city weren't so pitiful and weak, perhaps they wouldn't be at risk of distorting—maybe they, too, would be able to summon e.g.o.s instead.

they'd probably just end up another tool for the city to capitalize on though. the disease carmen and the others had wanted to cure—angela had always wondered what it was. not that she cared, but as a point of curiosity, she...

well. she knows now, or she thinks she might. angela sighs, smacking aside a plant that reaches to bite her hand. )

Rather, the probability of it being a different person is slim.

( ...and, for obvious reasons, that's all she says. )

[icanfixer]

[ don quixote weighs it in her mind, the slim probability, and then sets it aside. the plants nip at her clothes, her hair and hands without bother. ]

I thank thee for thy time then, Angela. Thou hath done much to aid in mine understanding of thyself and those around me, though I shan't bring it up willy-nilly.

[ bit of a promise, there. that she'll keep the information safe as if it were her own. ]

What has been thy favorite part of being human?

[worldexecute]

( angela gives her a doubting look—it lingers, even as she speaks. )

I appreciate the consideration.

( but, hmm... her favorite part of being human... she turns her gaze away again, looking up. it's difficult to say. there's been a lot of things to make it worthwhile. there's been a lot of things that made her question why she had wanted this so badly, ached for it. yet——— the good still outweighs the bad, somehow. the small moments she'd finally been granted, with colleagues and unfamiliar faces alike. with people who knew too much, and people who hadn't know anything at all.

she clasps her hands in front of her. )

Ice cream.

[icanfixer]

Ice cream?

[ how simple. but she brightens immediately and chatters on, the past conversation left like yesterday. ]

Verily, 'tis a delightful dessert whose flavors tantalize several of the senses at once -- taste, of course, but also touch with its vast difference in temperature, as well as sight for the delectable toppings one may place upon it...♪ What has been thy favorite?

[worldexecute]

I have several.

( she's done RESEARCH... it's taking her a moment to get as casual and comfy as don is, conversation moving along, but... she's... trying, sort of. )

Blueberry, mint, funfetti, ube, champagne, red wine, lemon, yoghurt, whiskey, pomegranate, sesame, and szechaun peppercorn... I don't like putting toppings on it, however.

[icanfixer]

[ so many... ]

Because it masks the flavor, or because a sprinkle has gotten stuck unpleasantly into the crown of a tooth?

[worldexecute]

( she did it a little bit at a time. every day. going to an ice cream parlor. )

Mostly the first.

[icanfixer]

[ but she's had that unpleasant experience too... ]

I shall endeavor to try them all by year's end... That is not much time, but surely it can be under so long as I preserve...

[ hmm... who would want to go with her? ice cream's best eaten with others, but day in and day out might get tiring for some. she needs to make more friends. ]

Very well! I shall make ten more friends.

[worldexecute]

You don't have enough already?

( you need TEN MORE? )

[icanfixer]

One can never have too many friends, Angela.

[ ... so long as they know when to let go, something in her echoes softly, and she pushes it down. ]

And then, I shall have plenty of people to enjoy ice cream with as well. It has been fun, being around so many others, has it not? I quite enjoy it myself.

[worldexecute]

Fun isn't the word I'd use for it.

( overwhelming. too much, at times. there's a reason that she tends to excuse herself when there's too many people around, listening to conversations through the bookshelves instead of joining them herself. the steady buzz of chatter, distant but near... )

But I... have enjoyed it, I suppose. To an extent.

[icanfixer]

Then it has been fun!

[ simple as that. just like this, in its own way, is fun -- now, it is fun. ]

Even if it is only "to an extent". Happiness is something one must keep growing, no? I believe that thinking applies thus as well.

[worldexecute]

...Is fun something one must keep growing too?

( she sounds vaguely amused... perhaps she is (gasp) teasing don.... )

[icanfixer]

[ if so... (gasp)... then don quixote has done her new job well, in protecting the smiles and happiness of others. she doesn't mind, poking back amicably. ]

It must be tended to, lest one forgets how to have it. Does that make sense?

[worldexecute]

( no. )

And if one's version of fun is perhaps diametrically opposed to someone else's?

[icanfixer]

In example?

[worldexecute]

It's not particularly to my tastes, but there are people who derive entertainment from violence and watching others fight for their lives.

[icanfixer]

Hmhm, that is rather fun as a participant...

[ probably. it sounds fun. to her. ]

There is no need to force thyself to enjoy what another might, it only means that there are activities one has yet to discover they might like to do together! What they may like about it could be transferred to something that would suit thy tastes more, such as snacing.

[worldexecute]

( ........... )

Snacing?

[icanfixer]

Snail racing.

[ like it's... obvious. ]

Though, the lack of the little critter makes it somewhat difficult to do.

[worldexecute]

( she has never in her LIFE..... maybe this is a don-ism. )

Only somewhat? I would assume it's a main component given the name.